I work in an office that has two refrigerators that are made available to its employees. Yesterday evening was the first time in a year I had decided to take advantage of the refrigerator and I left a Naked Juice Kiwi Strawberry beverage in there to have for breakfast this morning. To my surprise, someone had stolen my drink! It was labeled with my name and I had circled the expiration date to ensure no one threw it out. I have been wronged and I am seeking vengeance.

For someone to have the audacity to steal from a fellow employee makes me want to pull a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and kick some ass. I have already decided to buy another Naked Juice beverage (they aren’t cheap btw) and carefully remove the label just enough that I can use a syringe to inject an effective dose of Ipecac. I will then seal the injection site and cover it back up with the label and place it in the refrigerator. Again, I will label the drink as mine in a clear manner so that there can be no “accidents” and will wait for the perpetrator to do his/her thing and suffer the consequences.

Now, I’m aware that tainting food that is to be made available to the public is a pretty serious offense and you can get in a lot of trouble for it, but if the drink clearly shows that it has an owner and it is “stolen” can I be held accountable for the results? I’ve also considered using some sort of laxative just because it’d be easier to explain should someone accuse me of foul play. I’d simply explain I was constipated and had prepared the drink for myself. On the other hand, Ipecac although being much more effective in revealing the culprit, would be much more difficult to explain.

Legal advice anyone? Thanks!